“Human nature can be broken down into love, hate, ambition, and disappointment,” Samuel G. Freedman pointed out to a class of students that he visited at Baruch College. It can be assumed that someone with extensive experience and vast knowledge of human life and our behavior can make such an argument, and in Freedman’s case, such an assumption would be correct. He is a columnist for Saturday’s New York Times, for which he is constantly interviewing people. He is also a professor at the prestigious Columbia University. However, it is probably his latest book, Who She Was: My Search for My Mother’s Life, that gives Freedman the most credentials as a respectable writer.
As Freedman spoke of his late mother, the subject of his most recent book, it was clear that he took her close to heart. He said that although he has always despised the genre of memoire writing, this book was like an “act of penance” for him. He wanted to make up the debt of not being a great or caring son to his mother for the short nineteen years that he spent with her. In order to complete this rather personally fulfilling project, Freedman conducted four years of research. He interviewed his mother’s relatives, friends, neighbors, etc. “No rules apply for history or memoires,” he said, however, “One must not sanitize the topic.” After reading Who She Was, I realized that such advice must be heeded.
In addition to giving very helpful advice on writing a memoire/ biography, such as how to interview people you do not know, using photographs as tools, and retrieving old documents, Freedman gave some guidance for living a fulfilling life, something he claims he did not know when he was a young adult. He respects his mother because she had to put bread on the table when she was younger, something he was not responsible for. In other words, do not take things for granted. What he learned while writing Who She Was was that you should be careful about denying your kids what their hearts desire. Most importantly, the reason why he felt the need to write this book is to not spend your life hating a parent. It is not worth the stress and the very likely guilt that you will feel later on in life.
Clearly, Samuel G. Freedman is more than just a brilliant journalist, professor, and author. He is a man who has reached a point in his life in which he can reflect on his past mistakes, learn from them, and share them with others. “Not only famous lives are extraordinary or worth writing about. Any life can be dramatic,” he said. He can be a considered a philanthropist, one who through his writing and teaching wants to expose the good and bad of human kind, one person at a time.

Author of the well-respected book, Who She Was: My Search for My Mother’s Life, Samuel Freedman discussed the process behind his research and the makings of his mother’s biography during one of my classes. Freedman was very honest when responding to questions asked of him, and was open with information concerning his personal life. As a student, I was amazed at his ability to uncover information about an obscure past. As a reader, I was amazed at his ability to articulate details that might have otherwise been overshadowed.

Freedman is a professor at Columbia University, an author of many award winning books, and a popular columnist for the New York Times – quite the résumé. Who She Was was one of his most recent works, and it’s essentially a biography of his mother’s life, a life that he did not get to know very well. After his mother passed away, Freedman journeyed to discover the history that gave birth to his mother’s character, a journey that took him to a foreign country, and called for the revisiting of old friends. I applaud Freedman for the effort and the time he put forth in his venture, which produced a book that captured the essence of his mother very well. His method of researching was something he tried to convey to us that day, and I was very much influenced by his work in producing a Who She Was piece of my own.

Freedman uses many sources to build his mother’s past: old photographs, immigration records, interviews. Freedman was very attentive to the details of old photographs he had, and was able to piece together subtle information. For example, he deduced that it was Rosh Hashanah in a series of photographs because of the date and the clothing worn by the people in them. Also, with only past records and documents in hand, he created the environment that his mother grew up in – Samuel Freedman is a man who knows how to extract information from a variety of sources.

Freedman’s tribute to his mother is both moving and revealing. Many people can relate to his mother’s story one way or another, as an immigrant or as a parent, and many others can appreciate the story of a mother tied to her childhood fantasies while trying to make something of her life.

How do we find the truth of the past? Visiting the class to share his experience of writing a memoir of his mother, Samuel Freedman was the author of Who She Was. What separated Freedman apart from other guests Professor Bernstein had invited before was the sharpness in his language. He could quickly convert his thoughts into proper language that I began to write down everything he mentioned because they were all clear and useful for my Who She Was project.

With a brief introduction, Freedman shared about why he chose to write a memoir of his mother and, subsequently, learned from it. Freedman knew the struggle of his mother, as someone battling her own health, but he wanted to explore his mother’s past to understand why she had became the person she was and what she had expected herself to be. Though his mother went to college, she eventually had to give up her “ambition to have a profession” to support her family. This piece of information helped Freedman to realize the tremendous disappointment of her mother of “not making those goals.” I think this was what he meant by “universal doesn’t mean writing universal. If you do it right, people will connect to the story.” Though the story he unveiled was his mother’s, people could still connect to the importance of family and financial burden of ordinary people.

According to Freedman, there could never be truth in writing memoir. Different family members had their own view of his mother’s life. What I found unexpected was how the different events we had gone to connected with each other in some shape or form. The director of Waltz with Bashir also commented that memories were not always the truth, but the truth was we wanted to remember.

What I got out of the meeting with Freedman was that through memoir I might discover something that I never expected. In Freedman’s case, he began to realize his misconception of the role his father played in the family and how he struggled from his mother’s suffering. For my own Who She Was memoir, I might just follow his advice to let “the subject choose me.”

At an instant, when Sam Freedman visited our classroom, one could tell he was dedicated and humble. Barely late at all, he was apologetic of running a bit behind, despite countless valid excuses. What a busy man! I believe a lot of his energy and drive contribute to his successes as a writer, teacher, and human being. When he began speaking about his novel, one could tell he was kind, despite what could be considered mean about his nature towards his mother in “Who She Was.” He spoke as an author should, with words full of color. One thing that struck me as odd was the repetition of the word obscure to describe his mother. It is such an honest word, but I would have used it to negatively describe someone whose character I find to be slightly off, yet he used the word without remorse, as if it was in full of meaning, but dead in the way I am used to.

Sam Freedman’s search for honest facts enthralled me and made me wonder what drove this man to such integrity. I am glad he has seemed to make atonement with his mother by writing the novel. He seems like a good man who has had regrets, but he is changed forever because of it. He was extremely helpful in giving us advice for our own papers. His research methods are so involved, which further show his dedication to make amends with his mother. Another thing the Freedman taught me was that it is much easier to make amends with a family member while they are still living!

When my fellow classmates and I were first notified about the upcoming visit from Samuel G. Freedman, I was looking forward to receiving insight and inspiration for my own “Who She Was” assignment.  After reading his book, it was evident to see the love and respect he had for his mother, but hearing him talk about her was completely different.  After this class, I decided that I would write about my own father because of the love and respect I have for him, much like Freedman and his mother.  Freedman claimed that the book was used as an “act of penance” towards his mother.  He also said that he made sure everything was done correctly.  For example, clothes, language and culture of his mother’s lifetime were vital to capture the essence of his mother’s life.  This is the technique and approach I would use for my assignment.

Jotting down facts and techniques Freedman used to obtain crucial information would be crucial to my own assignment.  Freedman commented on how he interviewed various people to get information about his mother.  I would follow this excellent approach.  After hearing this tactic, I started planning the days I would use to travel to my father’s hometown and his place of work.  These were two places where I knew I could find out information I could use in my paper.
The effort and passion Freedman had when writing his book is clearly evident.  He uncovered certain aspects of her life that I don’t know if I would want to know about my own mother.  Freedman said, “Being attractive was part of her life-force.”  To be able to talk about one’s mother as a sexual being shows the extent of the relationship between Sam and his mother.  Growing up in the Great Depression, Eleanor Watkin didn’t have an easy life.  Sam rummaged through social security records, birth certificates and other primary sources of research to tell the world his mother’s life story.  One thing that especially caught my attention was that Sam “rescued his mother’s history.”  He said that if he didn’t it would have been forgotten forever.  As a loving and loyal son, he wouldn’t let this happen.  With the great success of his book, I think it is safe to say he accomplished his goal of keeping his mother’s spirit and story alive forever.

www.motherjones.com

Since I was ten years old I have been reading biographies of famous people. I am not usually so fond of memoirs about ordinary people. Sam Freedman wrote a memoir, Who She Was: My Search For My Mother’s Life. Even though a son wrote this book about his mother, it is not written like a standard memoir, he writes it from a distance, rather than including himself in every aspect of the book.

            Sam Freedman decided to write about his mother many years after her death. He feels that time gave him a certain distance that enabled him to write more clearly about her. He was disinterested in her while she was alive because of her alcoholism. As an adult he wanted to explore her young life to discover who she really was.

            Freedman mentioned in his class visit that children often forget that their parents had lives before they had a family. Freedman uncovered his mother’s life during his research for his book, and wrote mostly about her years growing up. His book focuses on his mother’s romantic relationships as a young woman. Personally, I do not feel the need to learn about my parents’ past romantic relationships. I do not see why this is something important for a child to find out about his parents. I think it is even disrespectful, and people should think about who their parents became, not about the things they may have done in their past.

            Memoirs are often idealized versions of a person’s life. Freedman believes that, “Truth is subjective, but you can’t make things up about people. Treat them with the same rigor and high standards as you would when someone is famous.” This is an interesting approach to writing a memoir. However, I do not feel that it is respectful to the deceased person to uncover the dark secrets of his or her life.

            Freedman wrote this book to relieve his guilt and to try to understand his mother better. He says that he wrote about his mother’s sexuality because it was an important part of her life. She was angry that her cancer made her sexually unattractive. According to her son, “This was her life force, what she really cared about in life.” Freedman believed that by uncovering his mother’s sexual life he could understand a lot about her desires, personality, and interests.

            Freedman also told our class that he looked at photographs to gain an understanding of his mother’s youth. I have seen pictures of my own grandparents when they were younger, and they reveal a lot about them.

            Ultimately, by examining his mother’s life, Freedman uses it as a lesson in raising his own children. His final conclusion is that children should not be denied their deepest desires, or their lives will be unfulfilled. 

He began by explaining his reasons for delving into his mother’s individual life, stating that he regretted “not being more attentive while she was sick,” naming it a “posthumous reconciliation.”  Next, he explained what he called the “Periodic Table of Human Nature,” stemming from his belief that everything in human existence breaks down to the same basic elements.  From there, he opened up the Q&A session, imploring us to feel free to ask anything we want.  I admired the transparency that he was able to maintain while discussing a delicate subject such as his mother’s life and subsequent demise, and his feelings of resentment towards his grandmother.  Although he is a journalist by trade, the way he set aside his emotions to complete the research for Who She Was really showed his aptitude as a historian, trying to accurately chronicle the life his mother lived, and how she became the person he knew.

I also admired the honesty with which he answered all of our questions.  Throughout the entire session, there were no questions where I thought he might be holding something back from us.  In regards to our final projects, he offered his opinion, and one piece of advice.  “I think that ‘ordinary’ lives are filled with extraordinary drama…Any life, if researched well enough, can be dramatic.”

           After attending his aunt’s funeral, and consequently visiting his mother’s grave the first time in thirty years after her death, Freedman realized that his mother had become a “stranger” to him; “I knew who she became, but not how she became that.” Fascinated by her life as a young Jewish woman in the Bronx, Freedman went on a quest to recover her past, and return to his mother’s “stomping ground.”
           However, it took a long time to come around the subject of his mother’s life. Freedman admits, “I felt shame and remorse for not being more attentive to her [when she was alive],” and writing this book was an act of penance. Freedman writes that she lived vicariously through his life, but he never knew why. Now, after diving into her world, he had a new perspective and understanding of the sacrifices his mother had to make. This includes his grandmother’s disdain and dissatisfaction for Eleanor’s boyfriend, the man she was in love with, who forced her to marry Freedman’s father. Freedman initially put much of the blame on his father for his mother’s unhappiness. Through his painful and precise examinations of pictures, interviews with his mother’s former friends, Freedman realized that his mother’s unhappiness was much deeper. This book allowed him to “finally settle something unsettled within myself,” and give “more compassion for [his] father.” Freedman always saw his grandmother as a villain who denied his mother from following her heart, but realized it was because of her relentless efforts to get out of Europe that he had relatives in Uruguay today. Although she was “bigoted but valiant,” Freedman admired her tremendous efforts and sacrifice for her family.

           The most significant aspect of Freedman’s writing is that doesn’t “sanitize the portrait.” Freedman stated that many people asked why he wrote about his mother’s sexuality with such detail, in which he replied, “to omit that would be to omit part of herself…part of her zest of life was the allure of sexuality.” Freedman’s writing makes it easy to picture Eleanor Watkin – an effervescent, graceful, beautiful girl who loved, and loved to be loved. However, her self-destructive behavior ultimately led to her downfall, which Freedman doesn’t hesitate to explicitly include in his book. Freedman emphasizes, “objects get blurry when you’re too far away and too close,” but it’s our obligation to be tough and accurate. The people “we love are the ones we see clearly,” and we must accept the truth. Eleanor was difficult, and “had desires that she desperately wanted to be facts,” which led her to an empty and unsatisfied life.

           Through his adventure in discovering his mother’s past, Freedman concluded that there is a “periodic table of human nature.” Everything in the material world can be broken down to a “finite number of materials: love, hate, ambition, and failure.” These emotions are part of the “constellation of human experience,” and though they may “wax and wane,” they never vanish from the world. Therefore, forcing yourself to write what is universal doesn’t come out “universally.” Instead, if your specific story succeeds on its own terms and is well written, people will automatically bring and find their points of connection.

           When asked what his mother would think of his book if she were alive today, Freedman chuckles, “she would feel vain that her life was worth writing a book about.” Perhaps it’s the “arrogance of a writer to give it form on a page,” but either way, writing this book forced Freedman to finally say what his mother’s life meant to him; “in your mind it floats around, but in writing you come to realization.” Freedman highlighted that you must never deny yourself or others of their “heart’s [emotional, not material] desires.” In his final words Freedman states, “I don’t feel only famous lives are extraordinary, ‘ordinary lives’ are filled with unexpected drama.” Freedman’s own moving personal discovery not only sufficiently fulfills his goal of making up a debt to his mother, but also is arguably just as extraordinary as his mother’s vivacious yet ill-fated life.

samuelfreedman.com

      We had all read his book, Who She Was: My Search for My Mother’s Life, and now we sat anxiously awaiting the man who dared delve into his mother’s life. Most of us are content with knowing only the information about our parents that we learned after we were born. We look at them as only “our parents” and find it hard to believe that they had a life before us, but even if we do take the time to realize this distinction, it may be that we do not really want to know what our parents were like before they had us. Just imagine your mother as an unruly teenager. However, Samuel Freedman dared to delve into this forbidden territory and the result was a success – both in the form of the popularity of the book as well as personal success.

            The first thing that you can tell about Samuel Freedman when he walks into a room is that he is an intellectual person. This presence is apparent in the care that he takes in the way that he dresses and carries himself. The intellectual in him becomes even more apparent once he begins to speak. He speaks clearly and eloquently, but beyond that, he talks of complex ideas in a simple and lyrical manner that anyone could understand. One idea that he presented in his speech was the “periodic table of human nature,” which is the idea that no matter what occurs in human existence, all things break down into basic emotional elements. He then went on to say that “if a work sticks to these basic elements, people will relate.”

            His book is a testament to this idea. Although it specifically focuses on his mother, Eleanor, it is a story that is relatable to almost anyone. This came about partially from the method that he utilized to create the narrative. “I thought it was important to not invent,” he said. Freedman chose to research his mother’s life with the standard of historical accuracy used for prominent historical figures. Utilizing primary documents such as Social Security records and photographs, Freedman was able to portray his mother with the importance of a historical figure. As he said, “Ordinary lives are filled with extraordinary drama.” As a result, he is able to form a universal character from his mother.

            Freedman stated both in his book and in his presentation that the book was an act of penance – a way to answer “all the questions I hadn’t asked when she was around.” However, in considering the manner in which he wrote her story and talks about her, it becomes clear that this was a quest not necessarily to understand his mother, but instead to simply learn who she was. Although Freedman states that he paid fanatical attention to the details of her life because she was a true individual and he tired to stay “as true as possible to the particularities of … her life and times,” it appears that this attention to detail was the result of trying to learn more about her.

            When his mother died, Samuel Freedman realized how little he knew about her and her life. As a result he went on an extensive quest to find out who Eleanor was when she was an unruly teenager. He looked to see what events in her life shaped who she had become when he had known her. In the process, he found a dramatic story in an unlikely place. This story not only brought him success in terms of his book, but it finally allowed him to mourn the death of a woman that he had not really known before – his mother.