The trouble with blogging
It’s unfortunate. I get way too attached to blogging. Oh, it’s all right at first – I’m excited that I’ll have a record, a way to bring everything back once an experience is over. It’s nice to think I’m entertaining an audience (however small), and I try to do my best to keep things interesting.
Then, I start narrating my life in my head. It took me weeks, if not months, to break the habit when I stopped updating my old livejournal, and within days of starting this blog, I was at it again. I write, and rewrite, posts in my head – posts that by the time I actually get around to typing up, I’ve lost all interest in. And it’s kind of annoying, keeping up a running monologue in my own mind as I’m trying to live my life. Have you ever gotten sick of the sound of your own thoughts?
I start to feel supremely guilty if I don’t update as much as I should. Which, let’s face it, is all the time. And especially with this blog, I feel so much pressure to keep the posts short, informative, and entertaining all at once. In other words, no 3,500 word emotional avalanches about the minutiae of my life. Which I’m more than capable of producing, trust me. Or just do some googling, if you don’t want to take my word for it.
The self-censorship becomes draining in itself – I haven’t expressed my thoughts in this format in over two years. And it really is rather cathartic. So once I start writing about one part of my life (work, in this case), I start wanting to post about everything I’m feeling. It’s hard to stem the flow. But then again, is there anything else I’ve had more practice with?
I know, I know, there are no rules, and I’m free to make this space whatever I want. I’m not even getting a grade. But the perfectionist in me wants this blog to be, well, perfect. Oh well, I’m just indulging my angsty side. Probably because I lost two posts from earlier this week in the server crash. See what I mean? I’m way too attached – it’s not like they were earth-shattering, soul-baring, deeply insightful posts, or anything.
Perhaps I’ll change the background, though, to make it a little less formal around here. And who knows, I may even give posting the personal stuff a try.
Edited to add: Unfortunately, I don’t like any of the other backgrounds as much, mostly because I think this layout has the widest text box, and I think it makes the posts look shorter. I’m a fan of minimizing scrolling. I do really like Ocadia, though. Thoughts?
