A L T E R M A N I A

Here is my final paper for Film 101:

Tyler Alterman
Professor Zuker
Film 101
20 January 2009

A Comparison of Breathless and The Big Sleep
(as narrated by Detective Stanley Hughes)

Shut your kisser and siddown because I’ve got some scholarly opinions to spill and you’re gonna listen. (more…)

The Grass Grows Greener

       “BVRROOM!” the engine screamed alongside the boy’s yips and yells. He looked up at his father, whose maniacal grin matched his own.
       “Hooold on tight, Sgt. Ty-Ty!” (more…)

Little Death

       Yes. He did it. Yes! Look at it. That’s an A-minus. Do you see it? Could have easily been a B, but – BUT – he did the extra credit. Did it all himself, on his own accord. No help. Except mom: she cut his construction paper, and colored a little. (more…)

Coffee and College

Put the water in the back.
(Emails to write.)
Put the grinds in the front.
(Emails to read.)
Plug the plug in the back.
(Papers to write.)
Press the button in the front.
(Books to read.)
Check your Facebook while it bubbles.
(Groceries to buy.)
(more…)

Jimmy the Q-Tip

       Oh god oh god she’s opening the containah. Oh I sure hope she does not choose me oh please Jasus Jo-seph and Marray. Oh no here the come the fingahs here they come oh no. (more…)

Napalm for Dinner

“So. How was work?”

She plunged her fork into the meaty part of her steak, stabbing it deep. (more…)

Roachtastic Tap

       Everything is just right. The music box is exquisitely fine-tuned. The stage is perfectly polished. Their tiny taps are freshly shined. Now if only these damn cockroaches would get the damn routine right this time, god dammit! (more…)

“Shady Business”

       The city was a monsoon, and the dark gray overcoat its bastard child. The figure was fog, murk, leaden clouds, a dirty puddle. A fedora topped a shadow one might’ve called its face; gloves wore its fingers. (more…)

No Line/Here is a Line
or
Legless Men: A Month – or Something Close to a Month – in the Life of Tyler Alterman

I: Where is the line?
(This is the beginning.) (more…)

“Tigger!”

“Oh wow, look who it is!”

(“Tigger-r-r-r-r-r!”)

“Who wants to dance with Tigger? Woah, not all of you at once!”

It’s too frickin’ stuffy in this thing for dancing, lady. Christ, I can’t hardly breathe. (more…)