Family and Gender Relations: Jews

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Jewish family and gender relations have been shaped by the many different periods of Jewish history. As Judaism is one of the oldest religions and cultures, relationships between husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, sons and daughters are rich with traditions. The work, education, religion, and general lifestyle of Jewish families after immigration led to novel interactions between relations.

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Husbands
According to religious tradition, Jewish men were expected to be the head of the household. They were placed in this role by God to lead their wives and children and ensure they led devout lives. In order to do this, men were also supposed to spend most of their time studying the Torah and other religious texts in order to live righteously. As said in Deuteronomy 6:7, he “shalt talk of [the Torah] when though sittest in thine house and when thou walkest by the way, and when though liest down and when thou risest up.” Ideally, a husband's primary role would be that of a scholar, while the wife supported him. Often, though, this sort of one-income family was usually only possible in the upper classes. The vast majority of Jews were not able to actualize this ideal, although men still strived to study religion extensively and utilize their knowledge when making family decisions.
Wives
Religiously, the Torah taught women to be submissive and obedient to their husbands. One of Eve's punishments in Genesis 3:16 after the fall of Eden was that "thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” Still, as previously stated, a woman was also expected to be economically prominent in the family, in order to help her husband afford a scholarly lifestyle. Therefore, while Jewish women were supposed to defer to their husband's decisions, they had a greater role in the family compared to women in other ethnic groups. In addition to the somewhat non-traditional female role unique to Jews, women also kept the household and took care of the children.
Fathers

Jewish fathers made the decisions for the family. The father was expected choose a daughter's husband, along with the help of a shadkhen, or matchmaker. A father’s duty was not to support his family, but to rule over his wife and children. The father disciplined his children, and commanded their respect, sometimes to the point where they were fearful of him. "Any a boy has said he would rather submit to a whipping than suffer 'The Look' from his father" - Beyond Patriarchy, Lawrence H. Fuchs.
Mothers

Jewish mothers were responsible for a number of tasks. They had to be the emotional center of the family. ere is one typical description of mothers of the period:"Nervous, clever, restless, obstinate, quick-temperd and very active." They had chores inside and outside of the home. Laundry was done monthly. Mothers would go to a nearby water source, and work and discuss matters with other village women. Mothers also went to the market of their shtetls to buy fresh food for the day's meals.
Children

Jewish children in the old world were brought up learning about the values and practices of traditional Jewish society within their homes. Judaism was a large part of everyday life and governed much of a family's lifestyle; the children experienced this early on, with much of their days devoted to the study of their religion. However, boys and girls from poor or unstable families often had less time to devote to Judaism. Many became house servants instead for middle-class Jewish families until their families arranged for them to marry and settle down. Marriage was a very important ideal among Jewish families in Europe. Unions between the young were arranged between respective families, sometimes with the aid of a matchmaker, or shadkhen, in Eastern European Jewish communities. When a youth did not marry, he or she was viewed unfavorably.
Sons
The boys of Jewish households in Europe were regarded as future scholars. Families strived to raise their sons to become religiously devout and learned men. To achieve this, boys were taught the sacred texts of Judaism. For boys of affluent backgrounds, instruction came from a tutor, while boys from less fortunate families were taught in a communal school (Talmud Torah). After years of study, boys of the family were expected to fulfill their worldly requirements. This meant inheriting a parental business or achieving an advantageous marriage. As mentioned before, the stress of marrying was high; an unmarried man was regarded with disdain and moral suspicion.
Daughters
Jewish girls in Eastern European households were held to very different standards than their brothers. For daughters, life revolved around learning how to become a good wife and mother. They did not often attend public school,and instead spent much of their time at home, helping their mothers keep the household. Daughters were expected to learn all about wifely duties from their mothers in preparation to be a good wife in the future.

 

 

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Husbands
In America, the ideal for a Jewish husband radically changed. In American culture, a working wife reflected badly on her husband, meaning he was not "man enough" to support his family. Therefore, Jewish immigrants who wished to fully assimilate abandoned the scholarly ideal and worked outside of the home. (Though, as previously stated, the majority of lower-class Jews who were immigrating were used to outside work in Europe.) Becoming primary breadwinners further reinforced their role as head of the household, as they were the spouse most likely to learn English and understand American customs.
Wives
Because working wives were looked down upon in America, marriage often marked the end of outside work for immigrant Jewish women. Unofficially though, wives were very likely to help out financially by taking in boarders, doing piecework or "minding" the family store. Additionally, housework in an American tenement was much harder than in a European shtetl. Jewish wives were generally quite busy all day in their traditional role of a housewife.
Fathers
Jewish fathers were for the most part still given the type of respect they had always demanded. However, because of generational differences between a father and his son(s), some tensions grew. An unemployed father, who used to be considered learned, would be looked down upon. Keeping religious traditions was also an area of discontent.
Mothers
For mothers, the tenements were much lonelier than their old lifestyle. Laundry was done weekly in cramped rooms with tubs of boiled water. As soon as they were old enough, children were out of the house, working or in school. Children also ran errands for them, like buying food. Mothers were the least likely to learn English and the social norms of America because of how much time they spent at home.
Sons

Expectations for Jewish boys in America slightly differed from those in the old world. In America, boys were still expected to become educated, but the emphasis was less on Jewish education and more on higher education. Oftentimes boys attended high school and private universities to pursue an education. Census reports at the beginning of the 20th century showed that Russian Jewish boys were more likely to attend high school or a university than Jewish girls. When sons did work to make a living, they were not expected to surrender their wages to the help fund family expenses.
Daughters

In America, life for Jewish girls was quite different from the way it had been in Eastern Europe. Instead of being expected to stay at home with their mothers and learn how to care for a family, daughters had to go out and find a job. According to Nancy Foner, in 1910 three-quarters of unmarried Jewish girls age 16 and up worked for wages. They were usually employed in garment sweatshops, needle-working, and other factory jobs. Unlike their brothers, girls were still expected to contribute monetarily to the family. They sometimes even had to help pay for their brothers' education. A 1911 study by the Bureau of Labor in the men's clothing industry found that Jewish working daughters brought in nearly 40% of their family’s yearly earnings. With their new role as major breadwinners, girls enjoyed increased independence and freedom in America, including more of a say in their choice of a marriage partner.

 

 

Clip from Fiddler on the Roof, distributed by United Artists.