From The Peopling of New York City
Sibgha Zaheer is a young Muslim woman in college, with goals of studying medicine. Currently, she is at a competitive program at The Sophie Davis School of Biomedical Education in City College (CUNY). She was born in Pakistan, but moved to Staten Island, New York before at the age of one. Sibgha connects strongly with her Muslim identity and it empowers her as a woman to take advantage of many opportunities that she would not have in Pakistan. She serves as a foil to her mother, who was raised more traditionally in Pakistan, where her mother’s freedoms of education and socialization with men was restricted. Although Sibgha and her mother tend to butt heads once in a while, modern American culture has become more accepted and more integrated into Sibgha’s life, with the slow approval of her parents. Sibgha's driving force remains her religion, and although she may have conflicts accepting aspects of married life, she lives with big goals for herself.
Where were you born?
I was born in Lahore, Pakistan. Lahore is one of the major cities.
When did you move to New York?
My family and I moved here when I was just about nine months old (my dad was already here from a couple years before so it was just me and my mom that came then)
How old war you now?
I am 18 years old, turning 19 in July.
What do you identify yourself as (religion/nationalities)?
I identify myself both with being a Muslim and a Pakistani American but I guess I identify more with my religion than ethnicity.
How does religion influence your daily life?
Religion is a big part of everyday life. It kind of serves as my conscience and helps me make the decisions I need to make everyday, like what to wear, what to eat, how to talk to someone, etc. it also gives me hope whenever something goes wrong. I noticed you started wearing a hijab, since high school. What influenced this transition? What does it represent to you/ for you? Wearing the hijab is mandatory in Islam and it symbolizes modesty among many other things. My parents kind of left the decision up to me to wear it when I felt ready or wear it at all, so it was completely my decision to start. They encouraged me but didn’t push it on me because wearing the hijab is in fact a big responsibility in a way. It’s worse if you begin wearing it and take it off than if you don’t wear it at all. It is also a challenge because it makes you stand out and open for judgment/stereotyping. In high school, I started to get closer to my religion. I began to go to religious gatherings once in a while. By the end of sophomore/beginning of junior year, I had decided that after graduation I would begin to wear the hijab. So over the 2 years I tried to mentally prepare myself. I was very nervous at first, especially going to work because in college nobody really knew me so it wouldn’t have mattered that much but at work one day, I had my hair out and the next day they were covered. But the transition wasn't as difficult as I had expected it to be. I learned that some people will be ignorant and narrow minded no matter what but the majority of people were supportive and just curious.
What do you think about your opportunities here in America as a woman?
I feel that in America, being a woman is much easier and my opportunities to pursue any career or path I choose are greater than what I would have in Pakistan. My mother grew up in a different environment and a different society so our ways of thinking differ. She grew up in a society where it was looked down upon for a girl in say a gathering to even laugh loudly or put on something like chapstick in public. Although her family was more liberal than most because she and all her sisters had jobs, they were not supposed to talk to any males outside family, or even look them in the eyes. And, I guess the farther back you go in generations the more reserved the society for women gets. Coming here she has adjusted some of her views and I I guess became more open minded but some of the expectations put on her are applied to me too.
What are some the expectations your mother puts on you? How do your views differ than your mothers? What conflicts are there?
I guess as far as the future, my mother expects me to finish school, get married, buy a house, etc. but in everyday life she expects me to be able to balance school work and house work, chores etc. and the chores are often the ones to prepare me for the future/marriage, like cooking cleaning, etc. I guess to her even if a woman gets a job, she still has to maintain all her responsibilities at home. I guess you can say that’s where most of the conflict lies because yes it’s important to be able to balance everything in life and yes preparing for responsibilities later in life is important, but for me personally I only can focus on school or home. It gets very hard to balance chores with school work all the time. But, she has become more understanding about it and has realized that women don’t exactly have that same role anymore.
What goals and aspirations do you have for yourself?
My main goal right now is to do well in school and hopefully become a doctor but i guess i haven’t thought much past that yet.
Can you expand more about being a Muslim woman here in New York City. How do you want to represent yourself? Are your goals, becoming a doctor, partially in attempt to represent yourself as a strong Muslim-Pakistani-American woman?
New York is more open to diversity so every time I step out the door I'm not constantly afraid of being judged because of my religion or being treated differently. I can practice my religion openly without the fear of consequences. People do acknowledge the fact that I’m Muslim but don’t treat me differently because of it. I guess because of the environment I grew up in, I was allowed to choose such a career, but I know of friends whose family doesn't want them to choose a career that would interfere with their family life later. Part of the reason I chose medicine is because it would prove my strength as a woman and I guess give me a sense of independence. Islam does give women a lot of rights and, in a way; I just want to prove that I can take advantage of many opportunities of this world while practicing my religion dutifully.
Any thoughts about marriage? Are you set to be arranged? How much is religion and ethnicity important to you in picking a partner?
Marriage is I guess where most of the conflict between my mother and me lies. For her it’s important for my partner to be of the same religion, country and preferably same city. For me however, only religion matters the most. The same ethnicity would improve communication in a way but I feel that it’s not absolutely essential. To my mother a lot of it is because "what would others think? (family/relatives) I would ruin the family name if I were to marry someone from a different country. The marriage may be arranged but I would have the final say and if I was to pick someone, they would have to be approved.
How do you keep connections with your culture in America?
In New York of all places its pretty easy to keep your culture intact through the different festivals, holidays, community programs…
How have some of your views become "Americanized" or "modernized," differing for more traditional life styles in Pakistan, even for a less conservative family?
I guess one way my view is Americanized is that as a woman, standing up for my own rights, whereas before it was to having a man to defend the woman. Another view I don’t concur with is that a woman is defined by her marriage. She in a sense does not have the same respect until she gets married. Even now in Pakistan, when a girl reaches a certain age the constant thought in every relatives mind is to find the right match before it’s too late. It’s hard for me to answer this question fully because I grew up here so my views developed accordingly and since it’s been quite a while since I’ve been in Pakistan, i don’t really have much to compare with. But I know that when I was there one thing I found weird was that people were very caste conscious, about who belonged to a certain family name, etc. and girls were also not allowed to leave the house by themselves, they had to be in a group at least.
You mentioned that there are many ways to carry out culture and religion on New York through community programs, etc. What are some specific ways you do? Were you or are you part of any groups? How have they influenced your life?
In New York, there’s a Mosque or similar religious center in just about every neighborhood or close to it. In the neighborhood that I used to live in there was a Mosque on my block, where group prayers used to take place five times a day as well as special lectures or events on holidays. I did go to many of these but when I moved to the neighborhood I live in now there is a center where most of the programs are geared toward Muslim youth, so I benefited more from this. I have one friend and we are each other’s motivation to go to the lectures here (kind of like when people have gym buddies), which are all in English and presented in a way where it doesn’t seem like your being reprimanded, more like being guided. The events are planned by youth as well and there are many year round, not just around holidays. Even though you can’t really call me the most active member as far as attending the events of MAS Youth (the name of the group) I have benefited greatly from the ones that I have been to. They changed my perspective on many issues relating to faith and practice, thus creating a stronger connection with my religion.
Have you started making more Muslim/ Pakistani friends? How do feelings of culture and religion unite you with other females?
I have made some more Muslim friends, most of which have been Arabic, not Paki (I tend to avoid Pakis but let’s not get into those reasons). I’ve noticed that there is a sense of sisterhood among women in Islam, or maybe just the ones I’ve come across. if a Muslim woman sees another, they are likely to greet each other with a smile and saying "Assalam-u-Alaikum" which means peace be on you, even if they are complete strangers. That in itself is a support structure in a way because you know there are others out there that share your experience. There is definitely a strong sense of unity because of religion.
Do you have any connections with Jackson Heights, Queens?
As far as Jackson heights, we don’t go there that often but usually it’s for grocery shopping, the things you can’t buy in other places, such as Southeast Asian spices and other such things. Sometimes it is to eat out. But a lot of the stuff that’s in Jackson Heights is also available in Coney Island, which is closer.