From The Peopling of New York City

Suleman Ilyas and his five sisters at his oldest sister's wedding in Pakistan

Name: Suleman Ilyas

Age: 18

Occupation: Student (Macaulay Honors College at Hunter College)

Where were you born? Gujrat, Pakistan (In the Punjab Province)

How old were you when you came to America? One and a half.

Do you associate more as an American or as a Pakistani? More as an American because I’ve lived her longer.

What about culturally, the customs in your house and those that you live by? It’s a mix. More Pakistani.

Do you have any siblings? I have five sisters. Four are older sisters and one younger sister.

How old is your oldest sister? Late 20s.

Is there any sibling rivalry, you being the only male? No. We’re crazy, but we help each other.

Do you feel your sisters are equal, gender wise? Yes, absolutely, I feel that that the longer we are here, the more opportunities. My youngest sister has more opportunities, financially, because my father has gotten a better job.

Tell me a little bit about your sisters. What professions are they? One of my sisters just got her MD, and one is becoming a doctor. One sister just became a physician’s assistant. And my younger sister and I are in school. I’m planning on med school.

Why do you believe all your sisters are in medical professions? It’s the most stable, well paying job. It’s also because of respect. Doctors in Pakistan, although they make significantly less, are a big thing.

Is that why you wish to be a doctor? Well, since I was five I wanted to do everything my sister wanted to do. When she was in ninth grade, I started kindergarten, so I looked up to her. Then she left to Pakistan for medical school, to save money, I’d only see her twice a year.

Do you ever talk about you and your sisters owning your own practice? Yes, my mom tells us to do it.

Why do you think you want to live up to your older sister? I don’t know. She’s my older sister. She has that confident, dedicated attitude. Her personality is why I followed her. I knew she would succeed.

Do any of your other sister have strong personalities? Most of my other sisters are layback.

In what way? They’re dedicated, but they may not always want the best like my oldest sisters. She’s always applying for the best for what is available to her for her residency. Now for her fellowship.

Why do you think your other sisters are more laid back? Just personality.

When you were younger, did you have more freedom? There’s always a double standard with that. I could stay out till whenever, by my sisters couldn’t.

Do your parents stress family life over careers, visa versa? Career is number one.

As a Pakistani, why do you think there are differences in how much your sisters could succeed there and in America? Well it depends where you come from. In the country you have less opportunity. However, in the city, you would have more opportunities, but not as much as in America.

Is this difference religion based? No, fundamentally based. Depending on where you live, fundamentalists have taken over many areas where women are very restricted, like the Northwest Frontier Province – completely taken over.

What kind of marriage was your older sister in? It wasn’t arranged. She met her husband in medical school. Her husband is a Pakistani, but he’s a shi’ite. She’s a sunni. There was a little conflict with our grandparents, but not with our immediate families.

Is your family religious? My parents are. My sister and I aren’t so much. My parents didn’t enforce it that heavily.

Did any of your sisters where a Hijab? My two oldest sisters never did. My other two older sisters did. My younger sister is nine, and doesn’t where it obviously. None of my sisters wear it now.

Why do you think two of your sisters did, and two didn’t? My parents wanted all my sisters to wear it. The oldest two didn’t want to and wouldn’t. My other two sisters agreed briefly.

Why did they agree? I honestly don’t know.

How do you feel about the Hijab? Would you want your wife to wear it? Probably not. If she did, whatever. It’s her personal choice.

Why not? My sisters didn’t really wear it. I didn’t grow up around it. I don’t think it’s a necessary thing.

Why isn’t it a necessary thing? I don’t know. It’s a personal choice. I would find it, not unnecessary, by not mandatory.

Do you want to marry a Pakistani woman? A Muslim woman? I really don't care.

Does your mom wear a Hijab? Yes.

If you still lived in Pakistan, after marriage, would she be expected to settle down and have kids? No, my father would have still sent her to school. She may have been a doctor there. My dad really values education and she would go to school.

Do you think it is the American environment that makes your dad value the fruitfulness of education? My dad is really educated himself. He would want his kids to go to college at least in Pakistan.

Do you think, in America, you would have an more opportunities for your medical career? In America, no. It depends on the quality of the medical school. In Pakistan, gender definitely plays a role.

How did your sister get into a medical school in Pakistan? Grades, its all they look at.

They don’t care that she’s a woman? Getting in really wasn’t the hard part when she applied. It was passing. That’s where they discriminated against women.

How would they discriminate? She was discriminated against because she’s a woman and she American. Professors are less lenient. If they’re really fundamentalist, they may fail you.

Because you’re American or a woman? In that sense, more American.

Does she ever wish she could have went to an American medical school? Yes, definitely. One of her friends who went to a school here got a better residency that she wanted, even though my sister believed she was just as smart and qualified.

Did your sister have a traditional Pakistani wedding? Ridiculously traditional. It was in Pakistan. A first born should be married there. Its tradition., especially for a male.

Did your parents want to arrange your sister? No.

How about you grandparents? Grandparents don’t really have a say in marriage, for my family.

Did your parents have an arranged marriage? Yes, they did. My mom’s two sisters were arranged to my dad’s two brothers. My family grew up in the villages close to each other. My mom’s family new of my dad because my grandma lived in his village. When a woman comes of age, around 20, they set up a marriage.

How old did you parents get married? Young 20s. The male is usually older.

What does your mom do, professionally? She is a domestic engineer, “housewife.”

Did she ever go to college? The education system is different there. You stop at around 16, then you go to college, and then university (specialized – graduated school). She finished college. She did math and political science. My grandparents sent all the kids to college. My aunt, she’s a housewife, but she got a masters too.

Why do you think your parents didn’t bring over marriage customs to America? Coming to America, the kids grow up in the new environment. My sisters are proud of their heritage, but they want to be American too. My oldest sister came here when she was 10, so she is American.

Who cooks in the family? My mom cooks usually. But when my mom goes to Pakistan, my dad cooks. It’s not that good. None of my sisters can cook, which is kind of not tradition. I’m not allowed to cook. My mom doesn’t want me to cook, because it’s a “girl’s” job. I always wanted to cook though. I used to make my own pizza with bread and sauce.

How is your masculinity enforced in the family, being around so many women? I played sports my whole life, played basketball, baseball, track. I was always playing, riding a bike. I’m really into sports. I play Halo on Xbox, the most manliest game.

Can your sisters play video games with you? Yes, we would have competitions. My 4th sister beat me in Donkey Kong in a tournament.

Did any of your sisters play sports? My older sister is on basketball team in medical school. One of my sisters ran track, others play sports too.

Do women play sports in Pakistan? No. They really don’t play that many sports in general. We only have cricket and field hockey, squash (racket ball), snooker (billiards). Women don’t really play these sports.

Have you ever visited Jackson Heights? Yes, when I was little. It was a lot busier.

Do you feel comfortable there? My mom feels comfortable in that area, because she associates herself more with Pakistan. I feel a little uncomfortable, since I don’t associate myself only with Pakistan. I’m both American and Pakistani so I feel comfortable there and here.

What is here? Your hometown? Here referring to Jackson heights, there referring to an American place, like Staten Island.

Have you visited Pakistan? Yes, in 1996, 2000, 2004, 2008. My mom didn’t want me to lose the language.

--shannakofman 03:01, 20 April 2009 (UTC) + Aleksandra Polonetskaya and Suleman Ilyas